It's amazing to think that almost 14 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful son, Daniel Allen. If you are some one that didn't know me 6 years ago, you might not be able to fathom the fact that I am a mother of a teenager, better yet, going on 14. I met Danny's dad when I was 14 years old, well not for the first time, but that's when we "fell in love", ha ha ha! Even though his passing happened 7 years ago this July, not a day goes by that I don't think about him and his sweet spirit.
It's that time of year again with his birthday coming on April 7th. As the time approaches I notice a change in me, I'm more stressed, depressed, lonely, confused, etc. I try not to feel this way, but it is just the way of it. In feeling this way, I try to focus on the positive, the good times and on his special birthday, celebrate for him. Being that his birthday falls on a weekday, I'll be forced to go in to work, but have a plan of what Enzo and I will do to celebrate his brother that day. I will pick him up from daycare, go through the McDonalds drive through and order him Danny's favorite meal there and then we are going to the graveside to have our picnic dinner. I'm actually excited to celebrate this day with Enzo, having Danny in thought.
I wish more of you had the opportunity to meet my special son. I think God takes the best which in turn leaves a lasting impression on each one of us that were involved in his life to live and learn from the example of who he was and is. Danny was my little man that was full of love, adored his mommy to the fullest, always greeted me with huge hugs and kisses, we sang, we danced, we learned together and played together...he was my right hand through out a huge part of my teenage and early twenties, memories that stay with me forever. You are missed and will always be missed Danny. No matter how much Faith I have, you will never know how a mother feels when she looses a piece of her, it's with her forever.
And brudder (you know who you are) if you are reading this, know that I love you very much. Please know that things happen for a reason and all the while you were strucken with a huge amount of pain and memories, Danny lives within us and wants us to be happy and remember the good times we had. We had so many great times together, he loved his Uncle so much and I'll never forget everything that he gave to Danny and the love that he showed to him. From Pringles to Reese's peanut butter cups, Uncle treated Danny as his own. I'll never forget conversations we had where Uncle was concerned about Danny as he got older, not knowing how he would turn out as a teenager because of the situations he was raised in...we know now that Danny is safe and where he needs to be, where we all will strive to be one day, in peace and wanting the best for us.
Happy Birthday Danny, Mommy loves you dearly!
8 comments:
That was beautiful, we love you Danny, and brudder too.
Keith
Just think, if Danny followed the same path you did, you would be a grandmother in about a year or so.
Uncalled for
Lindsey, it is clear the love you have for Danny is just as strong as it was the day you gave birth; what a delight it was to hear your thoughts and feelings. You are a wonderful mother and don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.
To obtuse Paul, I feel sadness in my heart that you felt it such an opportune time to remind Lindsey of some of the mistakes she has made along the way. Such a disdained comment was uncalled for, especially at this time, and even more disheartening is your apparent participation in the LDS faith, it seems to me as though you need a refresher course.
"Judge not let ye be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"
Try to have a little more compassion or refrain from saying anything at all. Your comment makes me ill.
Wow Paul.. rude.
Lindsey, Danny is beautiful! I can't imagine what you go through and I don't think that anyone else can either. I hope that you feel comforted at this time knowing he is watching down on you and loves you.. unconditionally!
Wow....totally uncalled for.
I love you linds!!!! You are an amazing person and mother. Don't ever forget that.
Reading this made me think about the last time I saw Danny. He was running around on my rocks. Jumpin from one to the other. I remember myself thinking..... Maybe I should tell him to be careful or somtin. But then I remember thinking. He's already got a broken arm let him go with it and have fun I used to be just like him. Now it's been a few years since Danny was called home. I have some pictures of him you don't know about B. I also have all his toys stills too. I actually looked up at them the other night and thought about him knowing his b-day is right around the corner. Reading this brought a tear to my eye B. You are very much a good woman and a great mother. As for the comments made here.... Some people don't understand things and also they might not say them the right way. As you know with me B. I say things wrongly alot but mean the best in everything I say. Paul loves you. And for the anomaness comment. Why would you call having Danny a mistake in B's life?? He was the first best thing to happen to her an Russ and in no way was that a mistake is was and is an act of GOD. You sounded like you meant well but really your choice of words should've been thought out properly.Sorry for the missed spelled words I'm slow. B You enjoy your Micky D's with both your sons and know that I love ya and look up to you cause I was there in those hard times and I saw courage from you and I was an is very proud of you. Happy Birth Day Danny!!!!
To Jake I apologize for making it sound as though I thought Danny was a mistake, it was not the intent. I was simply replying to the comment that Paul had made, it sounds to me as though 'he' feels it was a mistake, I however do not. I can see how my choice of words may have given that impression. I believe that Danny helped to shape the person that Lindsey has become, and I think she is a fantastic mother. I believe everything happens for a reason and that there are no mistakes in life. Love you Linds, Sorry Jake.
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